Azumanga Politburo: Project Alice REVISED
by Slightly Askew
Summary: Two Azumanga Politburo commissars have crossed into the Azumanga Who universe. Four others volunteer to bring them back - before worse things happen to BOTH universes. THIS IS A REVISION OF THE ORIGINAL AND A COLLABORATION WITH DANIEL BENFIELD.
1. The Emergency Mission

**FIRST NOTICE: NEITHER I NOR DANIEL BENFIELD OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS OF AZUMANGA DAIOH. THEY BELONG TO AZUMA KIYOHIKO. ANY ORIGINAL CHARACTERS ARE OURS ALONE. **

**SECOND NOTICE: The events in this fanfic occur six months after the events in **_**Azumanga Politburo**_**.**

**THIRD NOTICE: This is a collaborative work between myself and Daniel Benfield. It combines the original **_**"Project: Alice"**_** storylines with that of **_**"Politburo WHO"**_**. Both authors desire all readers to review this work and comment. Thank you all for your time.**

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

The room was surrounded with lit candles, chasing away the darkness with cheery glows. The soft tones of the Eddy Arnold song, _Make The World Go Away_, played in the background. Satin sheets were on the bed, chilled red wine and glasses on the table next to it.

Yomi slow-danced to the old country-pop melody, her new husband Pyotr in her arms. Her head was on his chest, eyes closed, arms wrapping him tightly. She was in her wedding night costume, a Chinese-style _cheongsam_ mini-dress with matching thigh-high boots, both in bright red. He was still in his military dress uniform, sharp like a sword and dazzling like a diamond.

"I wish we could be this way forever," Yomi sighed. "You and I, together like this, always."

"You are my joy," he whispered in her ear. He gently kissed the tip of her nose, which made her chuckle.

A rapid series of knocks tapped on the bedroom door.

"Who is it?" asked Pyotr.

"Excuse me," came the frantic voice of a ten-year old girl. "May I please talk to Miss Yomi for a moment? This is an emergency!"

The newlyweds stood still, turned their heads toward the door.

"The Chairperson?" said Pyotr. "Here?"

"We're sorry to bother you," said the voice of Sakaki. "But this is very urgent."

Yomi released Pyotr, smooth her mini-dress. "I'd expect either Tomo or Yukari to try ruining our wedding might for fun. But if it's the Chairperson, it's got to be legitimate."

"One moment, darling," he said, as he went to one of the chairs in the wedding suite. He picked up his longcoat, draped it around Yomi's shoulders. "Just to help you avoid any embarrassment."

She touched his cheek. "You're my angel," she said, as she put her arms in the sleeves. "Just a moment, Chiyo-chan. I'll be right there."

A second later, she opened the door. There was Chiyo-chan, child prodigy and leader of the country, hands folded and shaking before her. Behind her was Sakaki, her most trusted friend on the Politburo, in her trademark burgundy longcoat and beret. A quartet of security guards were behind them.

"What's wrong, Chiyo?"

"Something terrible has happened in Techno City, and we need your help."

Sakaki nodded. "It has to do with Project: Alice."

Yomi's eyes widened as she gulped. "Does...does it have to do with Tomo...and Yukari?"

Sakaki nodded again. "The Chairperson's jet is waiting at the airport. We haven't a moment to lose."

"Bring your husband with us, too." Chiyo said. "He might as well know what's going on."

"I am at the Chairperson's disposal," he said from behind Yomi.

"Please hurry." she turned to her guards. "Please make sure the hotel people fix up the suite until we all get back."

"At once, comrade," they said in unison.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

The Chairperson's command jet flew through the darkness with ease, the vast Eurasian landscape rushing below them thousands of feet away.

Within the cabin, Chiyo-chan slid a folder of papers before Yomi and Pyotr. "This is a summary of Project:Alice," she began. "The title was inspired by the book _Through the Looking Glass_ by Lewis Carroll."

"Isn't that the same author who did _Alice In Wonderland_?" asked Yomi.

"Yes, the same," said Sakaki, a glass of pineapple juice in her hand. "Well, to be brief. During a visit to one of our research laboratories last year, Commissar Osaka was checking out a device that could harvest energy from the Earth's own magnetic field. She pressed some buttons she shouldn't have pressed out of curiosity, and the device went haywire."

She paused to drink her juice. "But in so doing, the device did something to the very fabric of time and space itself, and opened the door to a parallel universe."

Yomi facevaulted. "Are you serious?"

Chiyo nodded as Sakaki continued. "Yes. It is similar to our universe, only there are some things that don't exist there that they do here. For example, our homeland – the Whatever-It-Is - doesn't exist there at all. They don't use blimps as a major transportation sources along with jets, like we do here. And that's only for starters."

"So I ordered this research project to be top secret," added Chiyo. "Otherwise, both the Communist and Capitalist nations here could use it to create a lot of bad things, both in our universe and their's. It's been under the responsibility of Kaorin and her Commissariat of Science since then."

"But I take it, comrade," said Pyotr gingerly. "I take it that someone else found out about it."

"And we can guess who, darling," Yomi sighed, flipping through the folder's pages.

"Unfortunately," Sakaki said, "we didn't count on several Silly Faction people sneaking into the research lab, and finding out about Alice. They told both Yukari and Tomo, and now the worst has happened."

"That being?" asked Yomi.

"That both Tomo and Miss Yukari have used the device to cross over from our universe to the parallel one," said Chiyo-chan.

"And for what purpose?"

"What else?" Sakaki sighed. "To recruit people there to come over here, and help them and the Silly Faction take over the country. And as a side project, beat up their counterparts over there for the heck of it."

"And drive both universes crazy in the process, God forbid." added Chiyo-chan, making the Catholic Sign of the Cross over herself. Both Sakaki and Pyotr made the Orthodox Sign of the Cross on themselves in unison.

Sakaki then put a hand on Chiyo's shoulder, nodded. Sighing, she put her fingers in her ears. Sakaki bent over the table, leaning close to the newlyweds.

"Unfortunately, their universe is as morally corrupt as ours. Before they crossed over, Yukari made some notes on what they discovered over there. We found them hidden in a sake bottle in an apartment she rented in Techno City. The notes say that the parallel universe still allows pornography of all kinds on their Internet. Worse, they somehow genetically engineered a new strain of humans living among them. They...well...they happen to practice lesbianism and somehow make babies from it."

Yomi shut her eyes, bowed her head. "Morally wrong and physically impossible, Sakaki."

"Of course. But yet, they somehow succeeded in doing this." She blushed, carefully measuring her words. "And we found out from Yukari's notes that the other universe's version of you is in a...lesbian relationship with their version of...Tomo."

Yomi snapped her eyes open. "What? That's disgusting!"

Sakaki nodded in sympathy. "Even worse, the notes say somehow one of you got pregnant and...God forgive me...have a daughter together." She shook Chiyo's shoulder, and the child unplugged her ears.

Yomi's face went pale. "Where in their universe is this?"

"Their version of Tokyo." She blushed a deeper red. "I'm truly sorry to have told you this, but..."

Yomi held up her hand, rage in her eyes. "Say no more, Sakaki. I'm in. If my intuition is right, Chiyo-chan, you want me to cross over as well to this alternative universe and get them back? Both Tomo and Yukari?"

Chiyo-chan grabbed her hands, her eyes welling up with tears. "Please say you'll do this, Miss Yomi. Please! I don't know who else who can do this!"

Yomi turned to Pyotr. "Darling, I'll join you if you need me," he said.

"No, that would break my heart," she said. "I couldn't bear you getting hurt or worse doing this." She turned to the chairperson. "I'll need help in bringing them back."

"I volunteer," said Sakaki, smiling.

"Accepted." she replied, returning her smile. "I know I can always count on you. Do we have anyone else?"

"I know Comrade Kaorin volunteered also. After all, she's in charge of Science and holds herself responsible. She's waiting for us at the lab."

Yomi nodded. "Chiyo-chan, I promise you, we'll do whatever it takes to bring them back and help our world...and theirs."

"Hurray!" shouted Chiyo, shaking Yomi's hands in relief. "Thank you so much!"

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

The huge transport was pulsing with life, short arcs of electricity dancing from each quartet of antennae on either side of it's control room. Scientists and soldiers made final preparations within the ship, checking every last dial and diode, nut and bolt for the crossing.

Marshall Kagura, Commissar of the Armed Forces, sat at the back of the room, buried in her copy of the national newspaper _Red Ampersand_. She glanced up to see the Commissar of Sciences looking at her. "What is it, Kaorin?"

"The Chairperson and everyone else just arrived," said Kaorin, putting on a jacket. "Let's get ready to go."

Nodding, the Marshall threw aside her paper, grabbed her sidearm and longcoat. "That big blue fish-thing all charged up to go?"

"Yes, the Parallel Universe Transportation Device is all set."

"Don't we have a better name for that thing?" She looked at the transport, as she holstered her gun and put on her coat. "I dunno, like the _Big Catfish_ or something? That's what it looks like to me."

Kaorin tilted her head. "Y'know, I never really thought about that. Sounds good to my ears."

"All hail the Chairperson!" cried the scientists and soldiers, all standing at attention. "Long live the Chairperson!"

Chiyo-chan entered the room, saluting them all. Yomi, Pyotr and Sakaki were close behind her. Kagura bounded over to her, saluted in response.

"We're ready to go, comrade," she said. "I've volunteered to join Yomi and Sakaki on this mission. Kaorin will be piloting the _Big Catfish_ here." She pointed her thumb at the transport.

"Thank you so much for doing this," she said. "Miss Kaorin, do you have everything you need for the journey."

"Yes, comrade," she said, taking out a flat black rectangle from her jacket. "This device I just invented can track the DNA signature of our universe's Tomo and Yukari anywhere in the parallel universe. I discovered they're in a parallel version of Tokyo, at a place called the Kuromori Mental Health Center. I've set the coordinates of the Device to get us there in a heartbeat."

"Do you think they've been locked up there?" asked Sakaki.

Kaorin shrugged her shoulders. "Knowing them, it's either that or they're recruiting followers for the Silly Faction here."

"Or both," added Yomi. "If we're talking worst case scenario, that is."

"I'll assume it's the worst." She zipped up her jacket. "Let's go."

Chiyo-chan cleared her throat. "Ah...Comrade Yomi? Not to pry where I'm not supposed to, but...well...the way you're dressed and all..."

Yomi knelt down to Chiyo's height, grabbed her shoulders. "Don't you worry about me, Chiyo-chan. I promise not to let any bad people do anything to me because of how I'm dressed. You can count on me." She gave her a big hug, received one in return.

Standing, she walked over to Pyotr, cupped his face in her hands. "When I get back, darling, we'll pick up where we left off. If you get my drift."

"And I'll beg God to bring you back home safely. Count on it." They kissed each other deeply, as Kagura handed Sakaki a holstered pistol.

"Just in case," murmured Kagura. "Kaorin's got on also."

"All right, thank you. Yomi, let's go."

"I'll be praying for you all," Chiyo-chan said, receiving a hug from Sakaki in reply. Both Kagura and Kaorin saluted the Chairperson, ran into the _Big Catfish_.

Mouthing an "I love you" to her husband, Yomi turned and walked with Sakaki into the device. The door shut with a loud clang, as the electric arcs flew faster from the transport's antennae.

"Comrade Chairperson, let's back away," Pyotr said, guiding Chiyo back to the rear of the room. The other soldiers and scientists joined them seconds later. The _Big Catfish_ lifted itself up three feet from the ground, then winked out of sight in a bright flash of light and a loud "WHOOMP!"

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

A moment later, the transport landed right next to a pair of trash dumpsters in the rear of the Mental Health Center. The side door opened, as Sakaki and Yomi pointed their guns out into the air. Both made visual sweeps of the area, ready to blast away at any unforeseen enemies. Sakaki stood upright, hand gripping her pistol tight. Yomi squat low, a knee to the ground, sweeping her eyes opposite of the tall raven-haired beauty.

"Clear," said Sakaki.

"Clear," answered Yomi.

Both women got out from the _Catfish_, letting Kagura and Kaorin through. Kagura had her machine pistol at the ready, while Kaorin checked her DNA tracker.

"Yup," said Kaorin. "They're here, on the other side of the building and thirteen floors up."

"Okay, we'll split up and enter on either side," said Yomi. "That way, we'll won't attract as much attention. Sakaki, you're with me. Kagura, go with Kaorin. Improvise whatever you have to to get in, but get in and meet us up there. We'll knock out Tomo and Yukari, and bring them back here as soon as possible. Make sense?" The other three nodded, Sakaki adding a Sign of the Cross to her nodding.

"All right, let's make it happen."


	2. Missions and Mistakes

_Well, it was a normal day in Tokyo - wait...NORMAL day? Yeah, I was suspicious, too._

_(Daniel sits on the couch in the TARDIS' console room, his question mark umbrella next to him)_ Hm...awfully quiet around here...HANNAH! Oh, that's right...they wanted to help clean Yukari's classroom.

_(picks up the Ship's Manual and looks through a section on the Ship's "heart" when the door opens)_ Father?

Daniel: Hello, my child! How was your time helping Yukari's class clean up?

Hannah: Well...tiring.

Koyomiko: Hi, Daddy! _(runs and hugs Daniel)_

_(Daniel grins)_ Hello, Koyomiko.

Hannah: Monday's going to be weird, huh?

Daniel: ...What, Yukari's going to be doing a "Nude Pride" parade?

Hannah _(smiles)_: No... I just... _(frowns as she stares off)_ I don't know... I just have a bad feeling...

Daniel: Like what?

Hannah: ...Never mind, father. _(smiles)_ We have no homework today!

Daniel: Very good, my child!

_Well, the rest of that Friday went pretty well...and then there was the weekend, in which STUFF happened._

--

_(Saturday, Kuromori Mental Health Centre, First Floor; At the reception desk a woman - specifically Mrs. Kimura - sits, waiting to assist as four women walk in)_ May I help you?

Kagura: Yeah... _(points her machine pistol at the woman)_ Take us to the thirteenth floor.

Mrs. Kimura _(shivering)_: The...elevator...is over...there _(points to her right)_ ...at the end of the hall.

Kaorin: Your assistance will be noted. _(the four walk off)_

Mrs. Kimura: They are not of this Universe...I must tell Daniel about this. _(runs off)_

_(Yomi flips around)_ SHE'S GOING TO TELL THE AUTHORITIES! _(fires the gun, downing Mrs. Kimura...or so it seems)_

Sakaki: I shall recommend to the Chairperson that you get a medal.

_(Mrs. Kimura glitches into Chrissie)_ YOU HAVE NOT DEFEATED ME! _(runs out...except this time Sakaki fires a single bullet, hitting Chrissie in the heart)_

Kaorin: Shape-shifters, as well...

_(the four walk off, not stopped by anybody)_

--

_(Kuromori Mental Health Centre, Thirteenth Floor; Yomi steps out of the elevator and sweeps the area)_ Clear.

_(the four walk down the hall; A man spots them and picks up a phone)_ Get me Security! _(and is promptly gunned down by Kagura)_

Kagura: Nobody must stop us.

_(Sakaki looks at the patient listings)_ Room 1344. _(points to the end of the hall)_ Over there.

_(the four walk slowly, making certain that each new area is clear; As they approach Room 1344 about fifteen armed security guards run up to the four ladies)_ FREEZE!

Kaorin: How about YOU freeze! _(pulls out a small gun and fires, rendering eight of the guards frozen)_ You better run unless you like frozen balls.

_(the guards run off...but Sakaki, Kagura, and Yomi kill them anyway)_

_(two inmates walk in)_ Heeeeey...baby... _(they point to Yomi)_ How about you see what WE'RE capable of doin' with that body?

Yomi: DIE, SCUM! _(fires at them, killing them)_

--

(_Kuromori Mental Health Centre, Room 1344; The four ladies enter one at a time)_ CLEAR!

_(Tomo and Yukari are chained to beds)_

Tomo: YOMI! HELP ME!

Yomi: Oh, you foolish girl...

Yukari: SHUT UP AND LET US GO, DAMMIT!

Sakaki: Let's go back to the _Big Catfish_.

_(the two Silly Faction leaders are unchained and led by gunpoint to the Parallel Universe Transportation Device; On the way there Yomi sees a bizarre blue box in a park near a high school)_

Yomi: What in the world...?

Sakaki: Comrade Yomi, we must return to the Chairperson. Any more time here and we may be spotted by the local authorities.

Yomi: Yes, of course...

_(the two walk to catch up to their comrades when Yomi speaks)_ That box looked familiar...

Sakaki: What box?

Yomi _(points to it)_: That...box.

Sakaki: I see no box. _(indeed there is no box; Echoing through the air is a faint wheezing/groaning sound)_ When we return I shall arrange an examination of your eyes.

_(the two enter the Big Catfish, followed by the machine lifting itself up three feet from the ground then disappearing in the bright flash of light and loud "WHOOMP!")_

--

_("Politburo" Universe; A well-respected scientist by the name of Leinad paces in front of Chairperson Chiyo)_ I just don't think this is a good idea!

Chiyo: And how can it not?

Leinad: Because perhaps comrade Kaorin has mistakenly programmed the device to find the Tomo and Yukari of THEIR Universe, not ours!

Chiyo: Comrade Kaorin has assured me that her devices are error-resistant.

Leinad: Chairperson, if I may - NO MACHINE IS ERROR-RESISTANT! Everything is prone to errors for we are human! We are just as human as those of that Universe!

Chiyo: That may be so. And if Miss Kaorin's DNA Tracker is found to be in error then you shall repair it.

_(Leinad bows)_ Understood, Chairperson.

_(the Big Catfish materializes; The two criminals step out followed at gunpoint by Kagura)_

Tomo: I TELL YOU I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL THE "SILLY FACTION" IS!

Yukari: LET ME GO, DAMMIT! Friggin'...

_(she notices Leinad and seethes)_ BENFIELD. _(runs up to him and throttles him)_ **I FIGURED YOUR BLUBBER ASS WAS BEHIND THIS!!**

Leinad: Comrade-Yukari-I-don't-know-what-you-mean...

_(Kaorin pokes Yukari in the back with her ice gun)_ BACK. OFF.

Yukari: I HAVE NO BALLS FOR YOU TO FREEZE!

_(Yomi also points her with a gun)_ I don't have an ice gun...so back off. _(Yukari does so)_

Sakaki: Are you fine, sir?

Leinad: Yes...well...apparently I am in that Universe as well... And my name is not "Benfield", comrade - it is "Dleifneb".

Yukari: Yeah, yeah...whatever...

_(the two criminals are led off)_

Leinad: Honourable Chairperson, give me time to study them...I fear that comrade Kaorin's machine has failed all of us.

Kaorin: I assure the Chairperson that my machine is error-resistant.

Leinad: I feel that our Yukari would not have called me by a reversed version of my last name. Even if they ARE ours studying them may give us information on that Universe through particles and the like. We may be able to build something that can infiltrate their people and spy on them.

Chiyo: Granted. Take the prisoners to the Professor's laboratory. _(the two fugitives are led there)_

Leinad: Long live the Chairperson.

--

_("WHOniverse", Tokyo high school on a Sunday "Teacher's Work Day"; Nyamo is talking to Arulla while they walk the halls)_

Arulla: So you feel it, as well...there is something wrong, indeed.

Nyamo: I just don't know what it is...

_(Arulla pulls off her wig, becoming Allura)_ ...I can't sense Chrissie at all.

Nyamo: You can...sense others?

Allura: Yes...I don't even feel a trace...

_(the two walk out of the school; Mew floats up to them holding Chrissie in his arms; He has been crying)_ Mrs. McCoy, Miss Kurosawa...Miss MaCockenshipiel has been killed.

Allura: **SUSAN!!**

Mew: It is not Susan, Mrs. McCoy. _(two bullets pop out of Chrissie's body and float up so Mew can look at them)_ These bullets are like nothing in this Universe.

_(they float to Allura)_ They have a different temporal signature. _(grabs the bullets and hands them to Nyamo)_

Mew: Exactly. We must tell Mister Benfield or else we-

YOU'RE GONNA PAY!

_(Yukari is seen on the roof; She jumps and lands on the ground, then pulls out a gun and fires at the three)_

Mew: RUN, YOU TWO!

_(Yukari kills Mew, then fires at Allura; As the latter falls over Yukari then turns on Nyamo, wounding her as Nyamo runs out of sight and to the park)_

Nyamo: I gotta find Daniel...what the...hell is wrong...with Yukari? _(she slumps forward, blacking out)_

--

_("Politburo" Universe, Leinad's lab; He is studying the two fugitives closely and noting the results along with his three daughters - Hana, Hakibar, and Harras)_

_(some time later Hana is seen looking over the results)_ Interesting... _(she walks out to Leinad, who is sitting on a couch; He is looking at the Big Catfish's Manual on its "heart" when she speaks)_ Father?

Leinad: Yes, Hana?

_Now, Hana was a sweet girl at the age of about thirteen. She was adopted by Leinad at seven and was raised to support the Whatever-It-Is throughout her life - no matter how short that life may be._

Hana: Well...the results show...well...here. _(gives the stack of papers to him)_

_(Leinad looks through them)_ Interesting... We must meet with the Chairperson.

_(he walks over to an intercom and presses the button)_ Leinad to comrade Sakaki. Comrade Sakaki, come in please.

Sakaki: This is Sakaki.

Leinad: My daughters and I have found out something about the fugitives and request an audience with the Chairperson here.

Sakaki: Granted. _(the intercom shuts off; Leinad walks back to the couch)_

Leinad: Sometimes I wonder, my child, if this is the true path.

Hana: Maybe we can steal the _Big Catfish_. Go on the run from our own people in a ship we have no idea how to control. Randomize our destination and maybe have a little more fun that way.

Leinad: ...No. Our place is here...not out there in the stars. There's nothing out there anyway.

Hana: Comrade Yukari implied that you have a counterpart over there in that other Universe...I wonder if I'm there, too.

Leinad: My research seems to confirm that there are hundreds of versions of us in millions of Universes... I do not doubt that my counterpart is an upright, devoted fellow who supports his leaders with the utmost concern for his fellow man.

--

_("WHOniverse", outside Chiyo's house; Daniel and Hannah walk along with the TARDIS in the background, noting the foliage)_

Daniel: I've always wondered, my child, why the United States elects the worst people as their Presidents. The 2008 battle between Barack Obama and John McCain is a good example - For one, neither of the two men the media concentrated on was fit for the job because each of them said the other was wanting to keep things the same from the Bush administration...and as everybody knows two people doing that to each other causes them to cancel each other out.

Two, McCain picked a woman as his running mate ON PURPOSE because he was told to by the government. Three, Obama won by a landslide due to the conservatives rightly not wanting to support the possibility of a female President. And thusly a man with almost zero experience drove America ever further away from its roots for eight long freakin' years. By 2016 America was incredibly crippled.

Hannah: It's alright, father. We're far away from that now, remember?

Daniel: Yes, my child... Well, the President elected in 2016 - a fine man by the name of _(mumbles)_ - brought his country back to its roots, cleared the national deficit, and paid off every single debt to the other countries...heck, he even helped Egypt to stop counting on other countries for aid!

In fact, this guy was SO helpful to America that Congress passed a bill electing him President-For-Life - which he accepted - but this law only applied to him. Once he ended his Presidency by deciding to retire the bill was revoked and the country went back to four-year terms...and America smiled and marched onward, knowing that no President elected could ever take it back down to the point of being crippled.

Hannah: So that's a good lesson, then.

Daniel: Yes...but I often wonder...how different everything could be...

Hannah: Like what?

Daniel: Like us not being here...we don't have a TARDIS, I'm not the Doctor...and your name is shortened.

Hannah: ...That's actually happened?

Daniel: Somewhere...anywhere... Any one - or more - of these Universes...

Hannah: Chiyo-chan asked us - but not you because she knows how busy you are - if we wanted to stay the night. I told her I'd have to ask you first, father.

Daniel: Well...you've done your homework, you're staying with people I trust as family, and you can easily get your stuff out of the TARDIS... _(smiles)_ Have fun, my child.

_(Hannah hugs him, smiling)_ Thank you, father. _(kisses his right cheek; Daniel blushes as Hannah runs to the Ship)_

--

_("Politburo" Universe; Pyotr is sitting alone in his room as Yomi enters)_

Yomi: DARLING!

_(the two hug)_

Pyotr: I trust it was a success?

Yomi: Yeah, but that scientist Leinad INSISTED on studying them...I KNOW MY COMRADES WHEN I SEE THEM!

Pyotr: Yes, well...I trust him. Very good friend of mine for many, many years, Yomi. Just trust my trust. He knows what he's doing.

Yomi: You...really think so?

Pyotr: Yes, darling. _(the two kiss)_

--

_("WHOniverse", Monday morning; Yukari marches into her classroom wearing a bizarre outfit)_ ALRIGHT, YOU WIMPS, LISTEN UP! I NEED PEOPLE AND I NEED THEM NOW!

_(various students mumble - "For what?")_

_(Tomo stands up and salutes)_ LONG LIVE THE LEADER OF THE SILLY FACTION!

Hannah _(thinking)_: What degree of craptacular are they reaching for NOW?

Yukari: I NEED SILLY PEOPLE TO CONQUER THE CULT OF CHIYO!

Chiyo: Um...Miss Yukari...

Yukari: AH-HAH! SHE IS AMONG US!

_(Tomo whispers in Yukari's ear)_ That's THEIR Chiyo.

Yukari: Got it. So... _(pulls out a large button and presses it, causing a hypnotizing swirl to appear)_ WHO WANTS TO JOIN ME?

_(Yomi stands up)_ TOMO! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING?!

Tomo: ...Your death if you don't comply? _(pushes Yomi back in her seat)_

_(eventually everybody in the room - except Hannah and Koyomiko - begins chanting)_ We will obey...we will obey...we will obey...

Yukari: Perfect...YOU TWO! **WHY AREN'T YOU CHANTING?**

Hannah: We're immune to that. _(Koyomiko nods)_

Yukari: Tomo...KILL THEM.

_(Tomo pulls out a HUGE gun and aims at the two scared girls)_ PREPARE TO DIE FOR RESISTING THE SILLY FACTION!

Koyomiko: Hannah...

Hannah: We gotta get out of here!

_(the two stand up, only to be surrounded by Yukari's servants)_ Join us...join us...

--

_(in the Principal's office he glitches into Susan and narrows her eyes)_ Miss Glowbug?

_(the Secretary runs in and glitches into said servant)_ Susan?

Susan: I sense a foreign power that is not the Doctor's...and not of the Realm Of Possibility, either.

Miss Glowbug _(pulls out a clipboard)_: It seems to be coming from Yukari Tanizaki's classroom...she is hypnotizing the students into following her "Silly Faction" to destroy the "Cult Of Chiyo".

Susan: And I sense she has gotten some servants...a formidable power indeed. A very strange use, but regardless it has an undeniably wonderful feeling...

Miss Glowbug: Do you wish for me to call her in?

Susan: No, Miss Glowbug...let her get her servants - but if she wishes to oppose me...it is only THEN that I shall attack.

Miss Glowbug: I sense no knowledge of your existence, Susan. However, I do not sense Miss MaCockenshipiel, Mrs. McCoy, or Mew... _(her eyes grow wide)_ She has killed them.

Susan: But she does not know about me, nor does she seem to know of the Doctor... _(swivels around in her chair, facing away from her servant)_ She thought they were going to tell the local authorities when they were really going to report the anomaly to the Doctor.

Miss Glowbug: What do you suggest, then? We certainly cannot let her run around for she will certainly find us eventually!

Susan: Simply have her monitored, Miss Glowbug. She and her assistant are from another Universe - _(swivels around in her chair to face her servant)_ find out where their point of travel between Universes is located at and report to me.

Miss Glowbug: Yes, Susan.

Susan: ...For if I can get to their Universe I can have a little bit more fun. _(grins)_

--

_(inside the park Daniel exits the TARDIS and closes the door when he sees Nyamo)_ **NYAMO!!**

_I ran to her and gasped...for she was lying in a pool of her own blood. I put my umbrella on my arm, pulled out a pair of gloves, and picked her up - I carried her back into the Ship to examine her with tears running down my face..._

_Inside the Ship I got several packets of her blood type and did a transfusion right there...but it was too late - in fact she was dead when I found her..._

_(shot of Daniel crying)_ Nyamo...

_Still crying I then noticed what she died for...two bullets that I took to a room in the Ship and put through the test gamut._

Daniel: Interesting...these bullets are not of this Universe...SUSAN.

_(a paper prints out)_ Blood on the bullets are from Nyamo...and Allura? MEW? **CHRISSIE?!**

Susan's killed all four! **SHE'LL PAY FOR THIS, DAMMIT!**

_(the First Doctor walks into the room)_ Young man, it is a different evil.

Daniel: Ancestor...what do you mean?

First Doctor: I mean that I have sensed a pair of beings from another Universe, young man. I originally sensed six beings but four have disappeared. The source is not working with Susan but rather has its own agenda...you must go to that school and find the source!

Daniel: Yes, ancestor...but what about-

First Doctor: I shall take her to the Rose Garden. When you return we shall hold the proper ceremony for your friend.

Daniel _(blinks a few times)_: Thank you, ancestor. _(runs out of the room and the Ship)_

--

_("Politburo" Universe; Chiyo is in Leinad's lab looking over the results)_

Leinad: So you see our problem.

Chiyo: Yes. We must return them and find OUR fugitives.

_(Kaorin walks in)_ Long live the Chairperson.

Chiyo: Where is your DNA Tracker?

_(Kaorin pulls it out)_ Right here-

_(Chiyo snatches it away)_ Leinad's reports have found your machine to be in error - WE HAVE THE WRONG PEOPLE!

Kaorin: WHAT? This is impossible!

_(Leinad looks over the machine and tries to fix it - instead the object explodes in his hands)_ Friggin'... Honourable Chairperson, it now seems as if your four scouts must find our people WITHOUT this thing - _(stares at Kaorin)_ it had an anti-tamper portion.

Chiyo: Done. Comrade Kaorin, find comrades Sakaki, Yomi, and Kagura and prepare to leave again.

Kaorin: I obey. _(walks off)_

Leinad: In the meantime with this information I shall begin work on a spy.

Chiyo: Get on that. _(walks out of the room as Hana walks up)_

Leinad: Hana, prepare the Experiment Centre - we're going to make an infiltrator.

Hana: Codename?

Leinad: Experiment LD853288913280 - _(smiles)_ Project Nanami.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

_**CO-AUTHOR'S NOTES:**_

**CONTINUITY: Daniel is using the question mark umbrella so it can't be before Episode Twenty; Allura and Mew are still alive so it can't be any later than Episode Twenty-Four - but since that Episode deals with two consecutive days it can't be during that.**

**There is no mention of Daniel's depression which implies that he wished to forget about it, so thusly this story must occur between Episodes Twenty-Two and Twenty-Three.**

**Chrissie, Mew, and Allura are shot to death...but Susan may have revived them with the intentions she showed in the Great Battle. Nyamo, however, may not actually be dead.**

**THE PARALLEL STUFF: There are a lot of parallels between the Politburo Universe and the WHOniverse - most notably the **_**Big Catfish**_**, a blue machine that can travel between Universes...I'm guessing that's the TARDIS' parallel, mainly because of the comment by Hana about stealing it.**

**LEINAD: Leinad MAY be the son of Sam since the last names are the same, but Sam was originally two people before he merged - and as Susan explains the Whatever-It-Is most certainly is NOT in the Realm Of Possibility.**

**Leinad was ALSO the system in which Hannah and her sisters first landed with Daniel as explained by the girl herself in Episode Twenty-One - specifically Pillihp, the seventh moon of Selrahc.**

**--**

**KOYOMIKO: Koyomiko belongs to Funari and is used with permission (although she is actually in the public domain I asked Funari for permission because at the time I had written up through Episode Nine of "Azumanga WHO" and wanted to use the girl without getting into trouble).**

**Koyomiko is not seen in the Politburo Universe due to her being the product of Tomo and Yomi - and thusly one of the reasons Sakaki cautioned Yomi's group when going over there.**

**PROJECT NANAMI: I'm one hundred percent certain that the Nanami mentioned here is NOT the one you have, M...course, it WOULD explain some stuff that will be revealed as the Great Battle moves onward...**


	3. Twilight Of A New Mission

"Leinad, I think I found the problem," said Kaorin, huddled over a workbench in her office.

The scientist Dr. Dleifneb walked to her side, fixed his glasses on his nose. Kaorin put the finishing touches on the motherboard with her tools. He eyed it at once. "You had the motherboard upside-down in the first place, right?"

"Not only that," said the Commissar of Science. "I also had a second-generation processing unit where the third-generation one should have been. And furthermore, I couldn't find a cooling fan small enough to put into the whole thing. So it overheated easily, which led to the goof-up in the other universe." She shook her head, sliding the back cover over the innards of her DNA signature tracker. "That's my punishment for not doing it right the first time."

"Well, don't be too hard on yourself," Leinad said smiling. "Science moves forward by failures as well as successes. Just read up on how many times Edison failed with his light bulb experiments."

Kaorin grinned, tapped the tracker. "True, true." She handed it to the scientist. "Care to give it a test run?"

"Why not?" He turned it over, punched a series of commands on it's numerical keyboard. After a minute, a map of the world flashed onto it's screen, a flickering light hovering over Tokyo. Another set of commands, and the map revealed the sources of the flickering.

"There it is," he said. "It's still the Kuromori Mental Health Center, and they're still there, meaning OUR Tomo and Yukari. Problem was you and the others arrived on the wrong date. I calculate you all were about three or four days too early."

"Oh," said Kaorin. "Then how did their versions of them end up over there in the first place?"

"I guess you'll find out when you get back there." He rubbed his head for a moment. "Oh and another thing. Did you notice how dull and stilted our language was when you all came back from the parallel universe?"

The young lady nodded. "Yeah...good point. It did sound a little strange."

"I call it _'temporal verbal paralyzation'._ When you returned from that cosmos, the ripples in space and time affected certain sectors of the brain controlling speech and expression. It's only been a day and we're back to speaking normally, so it's only a temporary thing. I doubt it will happen again if we're well prepared for it."

"Good thing to keep in mind, Leinad. Let's inform the Chairperson on our status and what we can recommend. I think she'll be well pleased."

* * *

"What?" said Pyotr, drying his face with a towel after shaving and washing his face.

"It's true, honey," Yomi sighed. "We got the wrong targets." She rubbed her eyeglasses with some tissue paper next to the sink. "But Kaorin owned up to her mistakes and wants to make it right." She put her glasses back on. "That's what I like about her, taking responsibility for her actions. We don't have enough in government doing that nowadays."

"Especially two commissars we know and want to capture."

"More like have to capture," she added, tossing the paper into the trash bucket. "And no thanks to them, our wedding night is postponed again."

"They have no sense of romance," he said, replacing his towel. "Perhaps that's why they went mad."

Yomi puckered up her lips as she applied her lipstick. She was dressed all in light gray, wearing a silk blouse and jacket with matching scarf, an ankle-length skirt and matching ankle-boots. Pyotr gazed at her, folding his well-chiseled arms.

"You look very fetching in that. I swear you have a sixth sense in fashion sometimes."

She grinned. "Flattery will get you everywhere," she chuckled. "At least with me. The way I'm dressed, I won't stand out in the crowd so much." She turned to face him, admiring his lean, muscular look.

He grinned in reply. "What?"

"Tomo once told me you look liked a fashion model."

"Do I?"

"Better."

His grin broke out into a beaming smile. She returned it, tilted her head to the side as their eyes met.

"What are you thinking about now?"

"The both of us fifty years from now," she said, moving in close to him. "I imagine your hair a silvery white, your face lined with wrinkles. Even then, you'd still have that fire in your eyes that I love. And that smile warming my heart."

He wrapped his arms around her, drew her face close to his. "And when you brown hair turns gray or silver, and time does to you what it will do to me, you'll still be that touch of spring that brightens my life." He gently kissed her ear. "And sweetens my world."

She sighed, wrapped her arms around her neck. "I don't wanna leave you again."

"I know," he said. "But it won't be forever."

Silence.

"Believe that, Yomi."

"I do. And I will."

* * *

Kagura looked up at the panoply of stars above her head, glittering in the early summer sky. Here and there, she thought she spied traces of the faerie-and-pixie-dust that was the Milky Way's expanses. The Big Dipper was here, Orion the Hunter was there, Virgo the Virgin was somewhere else. And above her head was Polaris the Pole Star, fixed and constant like the center of a wheel.

She breathed deep, her eyes widening to take in the majesty of the night. The friendly drone of cicadas and crickets in the distance, far away in the woods surrounding the science complex, brought back memories of childhood camping trips with her family and friends. The air had a faint scent of incense, wafting from a gentle breeze teasing groves of pine trees far away.

Kagura heard the sound of soft steps approach from her right.

"Sakaki?"

"Yes, it's me," she said. "Do you see it?"

"It's that over there, right?" She pointed to a constellation further to her right.

"Yes, it's called the Northern Cross. I never tire looking at it when I practice my evening meditations."

"Sometimes," Kagura smirked. "I think you should have become a nun or something."

Sakaki blushed. "You're not the only one. Nyamo say to me sometimes as well."

The Marshall bowed her head. "Is the _Big Catfish_ ready to go?"

"Yes. We'll leave when the Chairperson goes to sleep tonight."

"Good, the sooner the better." She turned to face the willowy brunette. "It breaks my heart to see Chiyo-chan worry like this. She keeps this up, she'll die of a heart attack before she's fifteen."

Sakaki nodded. "Now you know why she turns to me and Yomi so much. She may be a child super-genius, but she _is _still a child. She needs her breathing space. That's why we're here."

"Yeah." Kagura turned back to face the sky. "What was that phrase in your Christian Bible that said..."

"_'And a little child shall lead them,'_"she said. "I know the phrase. That refers to the Christ Child, not our Chairperson."

"Yeah, well..." A long sigh escaped her lips. "I wish I could believe like you do, Sakaki."

The far-away droning came back, stilling Kagura's tongue.

"I'll let you know when we're ready," said Sakaki, walking back to the stairwell.

"Thanks. I'll be here until then."


	4. Missions, Manipulations and Madness

_"Cooking is so fun,"_ sang Chiyo.

_"Cooking is so fun,"_ sang Hakibar.

_"Now it's time to take a break/And see what we have done,"_ they sang together. Hakibar opened the oven door as Chiyo handed her the oven mitts. The taller of the two pulled out the large muffin tray, the scent of the pumpkin muffins teasing their nostrils.

"Yea, they're ready," cried the Chairperson.

"Is the counter top clear?"

"Yes, it is, Hakibar. Let's let them cool for about a half-hour."

"Do we put any icing on them?"

"Not really, no. I do that for my carrot cake muffins."

Hakibar's eyes widened with delight. "Carrot cake muffins? Oh Chiyo, I'd love to make those."

"Okay, next time we'll do that."

The Chairperson and Dr. Dleifneb's second daughter puttered away in the complex's kitchen, as both Sakaki and Chiyo's parents watched them from the doorway.

"She always did like to cook to relieve stress," said Chiyo's father.

"Refreshes her mind somehow," said her mother. She turned to face Sakaki. "And we can't thank you enough for being there for our little girl."

"You're welcome," she said smiling. "In my heart, I see her as my little sister. And I protect my family."

Her cellphone vibrated in her jacket pocket. Grabbing it, she flipped it open. "Hello? Yes, Kaorin, what's your status? Yes...yes...how long? Very well, I'll let her know."

Slipping the phone back into her pocket, she walked over to Chiyo's side, kneeling down to her height.

"Chiyo, that was Comrade Kaorin on the phone. She told me to tell you that the _Big Catfish_ was ready to go again."

Nodding, Chiyo took off her apron, neatly folded it as Hakibar put the second muffin tray on the counter top.

"All right, here we go again," she sighed, brushing her dress. "Hakibar, almost done?"

"Yes, ma'am," she said, rushing to toss off her apron. "Just a second."

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

"When you do appear in their universe again, Kaorin," Leinad said, "I suggest not landing near those dumpsters. Across the way from them should do the trick."

"Gotcha," she said, setting the last coordinates into the _Big Catfish's_ main computer. "By the way, what about the ice gun? It works, of course, but I think it could use some lower settings."

"I'm working on it as we speak, so no worries." He patted her shoulder. "Good luck, comrade."

She nodded as he left the transport. The other scientists and soldiers fixing the ship joined him as he walked to the back of the room, where the Chairperson and Hakibar waited. Kagura was next to them, her hands tucked under her armpits. Sakaki was next to her, fingering her _chotki_ beads and praying. Yomi and Pyotr were next to her, arm in arm.

"Here it is, in the middle of June," Kagura murmured, "and I'm feeling chilly."

"It's just nerves," said Sakaki. "When we cross over, you should be okay."

"Not if I start talking like I'm in some Mao-era propaganda movie again."

"What do you think would be a good boy's name?" asked Yomi, murmuring in Pyotr's ear. "That is, if our first child's a boy?"

"Yakov," Pyotr murmured back. "That's the Russian version of your father's name." Smiling, she squeezed his arm in reply.

"All set, Comrade Chairperson," said Leinad. "The parallel versions of both Tomo and Yukari are inside the transport already. They're in plastic handcuffs and drugged unconscious."

"Good," she said, turning to the other commissars. "Everyone? When you reach the Mental Health Center on the other side, please make sure you put those two in a safe place, okay? Let them sleep quietly."

"Consider it done," said Kagura, coming to attention and saluting. "We'd best be on our way, Chiyo-chan."

"Good luck," she replied, returning the salute. Both Sakaki and Yomi knelt down, each giving Chiyo a warm hug. "Please be careful, you two."

"We will," they said in unison. Yomi stood up and gave Pyotr a long kiss, while Sakaki gave Hakibar a hug.

"Please take care," whispered Hakibar.

"I promise you, we will."

"Remember," said Leinad, walking up to Chiyo's side. "Time is of the essence. Try to get our Yukari and Tomo back quickly before they can fulfill their schemes. Or find their counterparts and beat them up, Heaven forbid."

"Done and done, Doctor," said Kagura, shaking his hand. "Give our best to Hana."

The three commissars walked into the Big Catfish, shut the door. Once again, electric bolts flew from the antennae of the transport. It lifted itself up three feet from the ground, then winked out of sight in a bright flash of light and a loud "WHOOMP!"

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

"Ah, Miss Glowbug," said Susan, swiveling her Principal's chair to face her servant. "I sense a certain visitor entering our universe again."

"Yes, ma'am," said the Secretary, pulling out her clipboard. "From my calculations, it is a transport from that parallel universe you sensed earlier."

"Did you discover their point of entry into ours, as I asked earlier?"

"No, ma'am. They seem to be entering from another one and freshly made at that."

"And their version of Yukari Tanazaki?"

"Still in her classroom. But her hypnotizing machine stopped working."

"Oh? How so?"

"I took the liberty of eavesdropping on them a while ago. The battery she had in it ran out of power, which woke up her students from their trance. She then had the gall to ask them if they had any spare eleven-and-a-half volt batteries on them."

"What?" she exclaimed, a wicked smile on her face.

"Yes, ma'am. Then the student Ohyama told her there was no such thing, that they only had nine-volt batteries around. And that no one there had any on hand. Then there was silence for a moment."

"Go on."

"Then their Yukari screamed _'You fascist capitalist pig!'_, before proceeding to thrash the poor boy."

Susan laughed, fingering a copy of Goethe's _Faust_ on her desk. "Deliciously stupid! Well, let's have a little fun with them. A little side diversion while I'm waiting to tackle the Doctor, so to speak. A small manipulation of their timestream here and there should do it. And..."

The sky outside the Principal's office flashed purple and mauve rapidly, forcing Glowbug to shut her eyes. "I hate that when it happens," she said to herself.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

It was a Friday morning in Miss Tanazaki's classroom, and Yomi was rubbing her temples. She had a pounding headache and an English-language song pounding in her mind with it.

"Miss Yomi," said Chiyo, walking up to her desk. "You don't look too good."

"I feel bad and weird at the same time, Chiyo-chan. And I have this stupid song playing in my head that I never heard before, and ever since I got up."

"Oh? What kind of song?"

"It's in English, it sounds like a waltz and it's driving me up the wall."

"Well," said Rachel. "I brought my laptop with me today. Perhaps I can help find out about the song on the Internet at least."

"Thanks, Rachel. I think I got the chorus. _'We are the impartial police force,'_ it goes, but then it say some words I can't translate into Japanese."

"Hold on," she said, typing away. "That's a start."

"I've got some aspirin and water, if that will help," said Chiyo.

"Thanks, Chiyo-chan, I'll need it." She looked up at Rachel. "And I got the end part. '_On the Twelfth of July/A big flash in the sky/We were all drove impartially mad'_. I think that's it."

"Okay...okay...got it, Yomi! It's an tune about some police in Northern Ireland that acted like the police shouldn't. And it was by a Irish band called The Wolfe Tones."

Yomi shut her eyes. "Why would an Irish protest song I never heard before get stuck in my head?"

"I dunno," she said, shrugging her shoulders.

Just then, the classroom door slammed open, making all heads turn towards the front. Tomo walked in, dressed up in a police woman's uniform and sneakers, carrying two bright yellow flags in her arms. Yukari walked behind her, a wild look in her eyes. Wearing a red sweater and skirt, an unbuttoned Mao Zedong-style jacket over them, she carried a tape recorder in one hand.

She slammed the recorder on the teacher's desk, thrust her finger at the students.

"All right you slackers, snackers and quackers, LISTEN UP!" she bellowed.

The class let out a collective "Huh?"

Tomo hung a flag on each side of the blackboard. Each flag had a crossed question mark and exclamation point in the center and an ampersand above both, all in bright red. Yukari wrote her name and title on the blackboard, then did the same for Tomo.

She spun around, turned on the recorder. The old Soviet Union national anthem came out of it at full volume.

"I am Yukari Tanizaki," she began. "I am the Commissar of Foreign Affairs for the Anime People's Revolutionary Democratic Socialist Whatever-It-Is!"

"And I am Tomo Takino, Commissar of Justice for the same glorious country."

The class stared at them, silent, some with their mouths open in shock.

"We have come from far away," Yukari went on. "We have come in order to recruit all you progressively-minded youth for the ultimate adventure, to give meaning to your dull, drab lives enslaved to the drudgery of capitalist domination."

"Um..." Ohyama began.

"In other words," added Tomo, pointing her finger in the air. "We need your help to free our country from the dominance of the Sensible Faction and it's leader, Chairperson Chiyo Mihama."

"Yes," Yukari snarled. "That whiny...religious...know-it-all...pig-tailed...little...BRAT!" She pounded the desk with both fists at the last word.

"Wh-wh-wh-wh-what?" sputtered Chiyo, now shaking in her shoes.

"Not you, Chiyo," said Tomo, now pointing her finger at the eleven-year old. "We mean OUR Chiyo."

"What?" the little girl yelped. "You...you mean...there's...another...me?"

"Yes," said Yukari. "Only not of this universe. And she unfortunately happens to head our country. But we of the Silly Faction want to liberate it from the likes of her and those like her addicted to common sense and logic. So we want you to join us! All of you!"

All the students looked at them puzzled, except for Hannah and Koyomiko.

"Hannah?" Koyomiko whispered.

"Don't worry," she murmured back. "I'm texting Miss Nyamo right now. She'll get us help."

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

"Let me go, you fascists slugs," Yukari cried, each of her limbs lifted high above the heads of the medical technicians carrying her. "I've got a country to conquer!" She wriggled like a worm on a fishing hook, as did Tomo next to her, struggling with her own quartet of abductors.

"Yeah, you guys aren't even cute!" Tomo yelled. "And I bet you all eat ants for breakfast!"

A minute later, both were handcuffed inside separate ambulances with Kuromori Mental Health Center on their sides. They sped away into the flow of traffic in front of the high school.

Nyamo stood in front of the entrance, arms folded, Chiyo and Yomi at her side.

"Will they be all right, Miss Nyamo," asked Chiyo, her voice trembling.

"We'll find out in time, Chiyo. I tell you this, though. I've never seen Yukari act this way in my life, not even when he was stone drunk."

"And I've known Tomo since grade school," said Yomi. "She never was this out of control." She turned to face her. "And babbling about really being from another universe? What's the deal with that?"

"I'm thinking it's too much classic _Star Trek_ on their brains." The P.E. Teacher bowed her head. "I don't know. I'll talk with the Principal, let her know what happened. We'll see if we can find some substitutes to fill in for Yukari for now."

Nearby them, hiding behind a corner, Hannah and Koyomiko eavesdropped on their conversation. Hannah put a finger to her lips, as Koyomiko nodded. They snuck away toward one of the stairwells.

"We'd better tell father about this when we get home," Hannah said. "This is something serious."

"As in bad?" asked Koyomiko.

"As in both bad and weird. Come on, let's get back to class."

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

The last rays of the setting sun played with the tops of the skyscrapers around the Mental Health Center. Across from the trash dumpsters behind the building, the transport flashed into sight, landed softly.

The side door opened, as Sakaki and Yomi pointed their guns out into the air. Both made visual sweeps of the area, Sakaki again standing upright, pistol in hand. Yomi again squat low, knee to the ground, sweeping her eyes the opposite way.

"Clear," said Sakaki.

"Clear," answered Yomi.

Both women stepped out from the _Catfish_, followed by Kagura and Kaorin. Kagura had their unconscious Yukari over her shoulders, while Kaorin carried their Tomo.

"According to the new DNA tracker," said Kaorin. "They're here, on the other side of the building and ten floors up."

"Okay," said Yomi. "Let's not blow it this time. Kaorin, find out what room they're in. Let's sneak in there without anyone finding us. We get in, take our Tomo and Yukari, leave their Tomo and Yukari behind, then go home. Simple as that. No one gets shot, no one gets killed, no one gets frozen."

"Right," said Sakaki. "Kaorin, give us the directions. We'll cover you."


	5. Drunkards and Madwomen

**Hey, folks, fat man here again with Chapter Five! Now, I tried to sort out the discrepancies I (seemingly) found with Slightly Askew's Chapter Four...and got confused.**

**For the sake of fun (and keeping continuity with my own story) ...I'm placing this in a similar timeline - one that's the EXACT SAME but "stretchy" enough to keep "Azumanga WHO" from becoming the alternate.**

**Anyway, here now is the fruit of something resembling an effort. Enjoy, folks!**

**_______________________________________________________________  
**

_Now, that stuff you just read? I knew nothing of that...that Friday I was busy in my Ship trying to complete an experiment..._

_(TARDIS experiment room; The top of a small glass cage is in the foreground while Daniel walks around)_ Ah, yes...

_(he walks toward the glass casing and smiles)_ Transparent Dalekanium encasing an uncontrollable sphere and an orb made purely of ego...

_(we see the two creatures inside; The sphere is purple and has a broad, closed-lipped smile - the other is yellow with eyes, nose, and a grin)_

Daniel: Shall be interesting...

_I pulled out a small cube from my pocket and aimed my Sonic Screwdriver at it...it then began to tell me of hate and peace - but while my tesseract was speaking I felt a horrid disturbance...the worst kind of disturbance I - as the Doctor - could feel..._

Daniel: History has changed...something at this point in Time is most certainly not the same as it was...

... And it's something rather big...

_For you see, it was THE SAME FRIDAY that I mentioned briefly before - and things were only BEGINNING to get worse..._

___________________________________________________________________________

_(Friday, Arulla's class)_

Arulla: And that is why, specifically, Adolf Hitler attacked Poland. Read the second and third chapters of _Mein Kampf_ over the weekend and write your thoughts on it - quite an interesting book. _(bell rings)_ Today's classes have ended. Dismissed.

_(the students get up to leave...except Hannah and Koyomiko)_

Hannah: Miss Yoccm?

Arulla: Hmmm?

Hannah: There's something weird and very bad going on, Miss Yoccm...it's about Miss Tomo and Miss Yukari.

Arulla: Ask me if I care.

Hannah: Yeah, well...I don't think they're of this Universe.

_(Arulla stares at Hannah, then pulls off her wig)_ ...I see. I have sensed something wrong for a few days, actually... It's not Susan and it's not the Realm Of Possibility...Who else knows of this?

Hannah: Miss Yukari's homeroom class, Miss Kurosawa, anyone who saw those mental center people take them away...and now you. But I REALLY need to tell father.

Allura: Daniel...and I have the strangest feeling Susan already knows...

__________________________________________________________________________

_(same day; Nyamo is walking down the halls to the Principal's office)_

_(inside the Principal's office Susan sits, concentrating)_ I must find the source...MISS GLOWBUG!

_(her servant runs in)_ Yes, ma'am?

Susan: Miss Kurosawa is approaching. Hold her off whilst I change.

Miss Glowbug: O'course, ma'am... _(glitches back into the Secretary)_

_(Nyamo enters the Secretary's office)_ I...I'm sorry, Miss Kurosawa, but if you wish to see the Principal you'll have to wait.

Nyamo: I need to ask him about substitute teachers. That whole-

Secretary: Yes, the whole...hole thing with Miss Tanizaki and Miss Takino.

_(the Principal steps out of his office)_

Secretary: Miss Kurosawa to see you...and your face...sir.

Principal _(smiles)_: Ah, yes...come into my parlor.

_(the two walk into the office; After the door closes the Secretary mumbles)_

Secretary: Said the spider to the fly. A rather sexy-lookin' fly... Wonder if she's thinkin' the...the stuff 'bout the Principal is tat he's the maaan...but he's really a she? Is that sexy-lookin' fly a lesbeen?

_(she pulls out a mirror from her desk and, shakily holding it up, looks at herself)_ ...Damn hangover...damn Tanizaki gettin' me drunkin'...

_(glitches into Miss Glowbug)_ ... ... ...DAMMIT.

______________________________________________________________________

_Meanwhile, Hannah, Koyomiko, and Allura were walking outside the school._

Koyomiko: What WAS wrong with Miss Yukari, Hannah?

Allura: If my theory is correct, then they are not of this Universe or the Realm Of Possibility...they are from another time...another world-

Hannah: I think we should keep walking... _(slumps forward)_ AH! AH!

Koyomiko: What's wrong?

Hannah: Something...is terribly wrong...

Allura: Well, la-dee-frickin'-DUH. **OF COURSE THERE IS!**

Hannah: Not...that. Something about history...I can feel a ripple...

Allura: Oh, dear...

Hannah: Something's changed...I don't know _how_ I can feel it but I can feel the subtle change...

_(Allura and Koyomiko carefully help Hannah back up to her feet)_

_______________________________________________________________________  
_

_(Friday afternoon, Principal's office)_

Principal: I see your concern, Miss Kurosawa, but I'm afraid I cannot bring in any substitute teachers. I mean, it IS one teacher, after all.

Nyamo: Sir, we have nobody to teach Language!

Principal: SECRETARY!

_(the Secretary...uh...stumbles in)_ S...sir?

Principal: ...Are you drunk, Miss Goldwood?

Secretary: I...I dunno, sir... I think I gotta hangover...over here... _(slumps on the Principal's windowsill - pain ensues)_

Nyamo: Miss Goldwood?

Principal: ...She'll be fine. Gladys, I'll speak to you in a minute. Miss Kurosawa...I'll try to get somebody....Who do you think could teach Language well?

Nyamo: I...I don't know, sir. Why are you asking ME as if **I** know about that sort of thing?

Principal: I was GOING to send Miss Goldwood to substitute, but for the moment that is out of the question. You obviously know very little about the subject-

Secretary: Hee-hee-heeeeee... _(slumps down the wall to the floor)_

Principal: ...I shall see what I can do, Miss Kurosawa. Good day.

_(Nyamo stands up and bows)_ Good day, Dr. Esiw. _(walks out of the room; We switch to a shot outside his office as Nyamo walks...after which she hears a shrill yet deep - and most certainly female - voice yelling, followed by the word "Susan"; It is a name and a voice which instantly gives the teacher chills...)_

________________________________________________________________________  
_

_(Principal's office, same day)_

Miss Glowbug: I...I'm so-so-so-

Susan: SILENCE! How did this happen, Miss Glowbug?

Miss Glowbug: ...It hap-happened yesterday...

______________________________________________________________________

**(FLASHBACK - Thursday afternoon; Yukari walks into the Secretary's office and slams her hands down on the somewhat older woman's desk)**

Secretary: Miss Tanizaki?

Yukari: Guess what? I'm gonna be unusually generous tonight, Gladys! It IS Gladys, right?

_(the Secretary nods)_

Yukari: AWESOME! ...Anyway! I always noticed that for your age you're all stuck-up and _(puffs out her chest)_ "Hey, look at me! I'm a brainless servant of Dickter Esiw!"

Secretary _(blushing slightly)_: I DON'T DO THAT! Besides, I was raised in a rather strict family, Miss Tanizaki. Sometimes I wonder how your mother managed to live with you for all your life-

Yukari: **KEEP YOUR DAMN NOSE OUTTA MY LIFE!**

Secretary: Yes, while you stick your fat excuse for a rump in MINE? My life is a rather private thing, Miss Tanizaki, unlike you with your prancing around about your sexual history - nobody needs to hear YOUR stories, much less mine.

Yukari: OOOOOH! **GLADYS GOT IT OOOOOONNN!!!**

_(dances like she's in a conga line, going "Gladys got it uh-ON!" as the Secretary merely facepalms)_

Secretary: MISS TANIZAKI!

Yukari _(stops dancing)_: So...YEAH! Let's go out for drinks!

Secretary: Yes...I could go for an iced tea, perhaps-

Yukari: ...I don't believe it. How can you be SO DAMN BORING! ...I mean SAKE!

Secretary _(slightly puzzled)_: How can I be Sake?

Yukari: Glad you asked! You can BE Sake by DRINKIN' Sake with ME! TONIGHT! **YOUR TREAT!**

Secretary: MY treat?

Yukari: Glad you agreed to it 'cause I'm freakin' broke! LET'S GO GET SOME SAKE! Unless you're too SCAAARED to try Sake!

Secretary: THE **HELL** I'M SCARED! I'LL DRINK THREE GALLONS OF THIS "SAKE"! AND DAMMIT, I'LL LIKE IT!

Yukari: THAT'S THE SPIRIT!

_So we went to her favorite place to get drunk at - and YES, I did indeed pay for everything..._

Yukari _(rather drunk)_: C'mon, drink it! Drink it all up 'n' down!

_I, somewhat nervous, took a small sip - and then Miss Tanizaki pushed the whole thing in my mouth...but it was incredibly good._

_I must have had...probably about three gallons worth of Sake - and then I fell asleep and at some point found myself back here. Thusly, my hangover._

**(END FLASHBACK)**

**________________________________________________________________  
**

Susan: Hmmm...did you tell Miss Tanizaki of your little...secret?

Miss Glowbug: Wha? No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-noooo, ma'am...I just got a little TIPsee, ya see...

Susan _(scowling)_: How DARE Miss Tanizaki do such a thing to MY SERVANT! Hm-hm-hm... _(walks to the window and faces outward)_ Of course, I have already taken care of them...

Miss Glowbug: H... _(shakes her head violently)_ AH! _I can see clearly now, the rain is gone..._Oh... What do you mean, Susan?

Susan: I mean that she and Miss Takino have been, how you say, "disposed of".

________________________________________________________________________

_That Friday night at the Kuromori Mental Health Centre the four comrades entered. However, this time around they made their anomaly status a bit less obvious by hiding their weapons...but don't ask me WHERE. I could GUESS - but quite frankly that sort of takes the fun out of a sick/twisted variation of "Find The Banana"..._

_(Yomi and Sakaki walk up to the reception desk; Behind it sits a young boy, probably no more than sixteen years of age...yeah, it's Soval)_

Soval: Ah...hello, ladies. May I assist you in something?

Yomi: Where's the elevator?

Soval _(points to the location)_: Right down there. ...Visiting a friend?

Sakaki: ...Yes. Tell me, which room is Tomo Takino and Yukari Tanizaki staying in?

Soval: I'm afraid I don't have that information here. I do recall, however, a pair of bizarre gits being brought in here - the older one was calling everybody "capitalist pigs".

Sakaki: _(sotto voce) _That sounds like our commissar.

Soval: Yes. Now-

_(Sakaki leans on the counter directly in front of Soval's face, tie undone, shirt collar unbuttoned. Needless to say, with his hormones and all, Soval noticeably blushes...and feels something else)_

_Sakaki: _Are you sure you can't tell us?

_(as this happens we see Kaorin and Kagura stealthily walk in; Kagura is carrying an unconscious Tomo while Kaorin is carrying Yukari; They get to the elevator, then give a thumbs-up - so Sakaki stands upright)_

Soval _(very much sweatdropping, picks up the phone next to him and dials)_: Anyway... ... I recall somebody saying to place them on the tenth floor... Yeah, hi. Listen, I need the room number of those two recent gits...yeah...okay, thanks. _(hangs up)_ They're in Room 1023.

_(Sakaki leans forward again as Yomi gives hand signals to the others, who again give a thumbs-up)_

_Sakaki: _Thank you for your help.

Yomi: Yes, thank you.

_(as the two girls begin to walk off Soval calls to them, wiping his brow)_

_Soval:_Actually, looked rather like two OTHER girls we sent to Room 1344 at about 1:00 AM this morning.

_(Yomi and Sakaki stare at each other, then continue to walk to the elevator...)_

Soval: Whew...never seen ANYTHING as big as them... _(closes his eyes and leans back)_ Oooohhh yeeeeaaahhh...

__________________________________________________________________________

_("Politburo" Universe, Leinad's lab; He is seen sitting on the couch near the Big Catfish's spot next to one of his good friends – Yor Weska, a bespectacled male in about his twenties)_

Leinad: So you can see my problem.

Yor: Yeah, I suppose. But I mean, COME ON! I didn't think you'd actually, you know, USE that suggestion!

Leinad: Thought it was good. Hana, how's our project coming?

_Hana: __(walks up to her father)_ The machine is asking for hair and eye colour.

Leinad: Hair must be of a natural colour...black, Hana.

Yor: I think the eyes should be blue.

_Leinad: __(smiles at his daughter)_ I like his ideas, my child.

Hana: Age?

Leinad: Definitely want someone young and innocent-looking...as history has proved the best infiltrators are, sadly, the innocent children. With that in mind we want to make a seven-year-old girl, Hana.

Hana: Yes, father. _(begins to walk off)_

Leinad: Hana...where's Harras?

Hana: ...I think she's playing with her imaginary friend.

Leinad: Ah, yes. Carry on, then.

Hana: Yes, father. _(walks into the Experiment Centre)_

Yor: ... I didn't know Harras had an imaginary friend.

Leinad: Yeah. Claims she's real, but of course that's impossible.

Yor: Once had an imaginary friend, myself. What's this girl's name?

Leinad: I do believe it's... Okimoyok.

_(the bespectacled man sits still, shivering a bit)_

Leinad: Yor?

_Yor:__(continues to sit very still)_ That's impossible...

Leinad: What is? _(no response, so Leinad snaps his fingers)_ Yor? Yor Weksa? WAKE UP!

Yor: HUP! _(stands and salutes)_ LONG LIVE COMRADE YUKARI! HANG THE CHAIRPERSON! SOMEBODY HANG THE- _(mouth clamped by Leinad)_ ...

Leinad: DON'T SAY THAT... _(removes his hand from Yor)_

Yor: Sorry...don't know what came over me. You...you said "Okimoyok", right?

Leinad: Yeah...so?

Yor: Okimoyok put backwards is..._(his eyes get rather wide)_ KOYOMIKO.

Leinad: ...Who?

Yor: Koyomiko is the daughter of Tomo and Yomi.

Leinad: ... Yes, Comrade Sakaki DID mention that a reproducing lesbian species was in comrade Yukari's notes.

Yor: No...I've seen this girl...

Leinad: ...What, you stowed away on their first trip?

Yor: No, I just...I've been having weird dreams about things that I can't even recall now - but I'm pretty certain Koyomiko is somehow talking to Harras.

Leinad: Inter-dimensional conversations are about as impossible as trying to use a Windows Vista-only programme on Windows three-point-one!

Yor: ...Build me a _Big Catfish_, Professor. Please. _(begins to walk out of the room)_

Leinad _(following him)_: Yor, my crew worked nonstop in shifts for THREE WEEKS on that thing! You know full well that I can't just whip up another one in five-point-two seconds!

Yor: A great evil will find the point of entry, Professor... I need to go to that other Universe and find the cause!

______________________________________________________________________

_("WHOniverse", Kuromori Mental Health Centre; The four commissars are seen in the elevator as it goes upward to the tenth floor)_

Kaorin: Damn, this woman is freakin' heavy...

Yomi: Probably some sort of weight difference between this universe and ours. Sakaki, I really enjoyed your impromptu method with that boy.

Sakaki:_(blushes very slightly)_ I merely saw him and we needed a distraction so...

Tomo: _(____still unconscious__): _I wanna touch...Sakaki's...huge knockers...

_(Kagura snickers a bit as Sakaki blushes a little more)_

Yomi: Anybody notice how nobody saw us?

Kagura: Yeah...perhaps it was because the boy had no need to hit the alarm.

Kaorin: Yeah, but I thought I saw something very slightly rise from that counter...like a...never mind.

Sakaki: Yes, yes... I didn't realize I was so appealing to the males.

Yomi: Well, if nothing else we now know why Professor Dleifneb likes you around him so much.

_(Sakaki blushes a bit more as Kagura attempts to hold back a snicker...which doesn't work)_

Yomi:We need to set you two up on a date when this is over.

Yukari:_ (still unconscious, mumbles)_ ...Get me some sake, you damn bastards...

_(the elevator stops and the two available - not like that - comrades search the area)_

Sakaki: Clear.

Yomi: Clear.

_(the other two step out and the four walk to Room 1023...)_

_______________________________________________________________________  
_

_("Politburo" Universe; Yor and Leinad are seen walking down a long hallway; Yor has a look of determination and anger on his face while Leinad has one of concern on his)_

Leinad: Why must YOU find the cause, Yor? It's not like you had anything to do with it!

Yor: I did.

Leinad: Y-Y... You couldn't POSSIBLY have caused this mess!

Yor: After comrade Osaka discovered the other Universe, Tomo roped me into giving a message to her counterpart under threat of blackmail - she claimed to have evidence that I was sleeping with the Chairperson.

Leinad: HOLY-

Yor: Exactly. After I sent the message YOUR counterpart didn't think that we had an inter-dimensional machine and thusly we're here.

Leinad _(quite shocked, but composed)_: ...I see. Yor, it wasn't your fault, okay? Tomo is at fault along with Yukari, you know that! And even if I COULD make another _Big Catfish_ and send you over there, something might happen and you'll have to live there for the rest of your days!

Yor: A risk I'm willing to take, Professor. Besides, that Universe seems a bit less boring than this place.

______________________________________________________________________

_("WHOniverse", Kuromori Mental Health Centre; The four commissars are seen walking to Room 1023 when a light flickers on and a small alarm sounds)_

Kaorin: Friggin'...probably a security camera around here!

Yomi: Evasive manuever seven-four-four-D!

_(the four retreat into the shadows on the opposite side of the room as several armed guards enter the room...the head of which is a gruff old man in his 50's)_

_Head Guard: _Come out, you morons!

_(no response, other than a whispered "Damn this broad is heavy!")_

Head Guard: COME OUT OR YOU'LL GET IT! _(...but the men fire anyway towards the comrades)_

_Since the comrades couldn't return fire (their weapons were in...less-than-accessible places...for the moment) they threw Tomo and Yukari towards the guards then tried to bum-rush them...and these guards - other than the main one - were pretty beefed-up and probably felt pain like an Army tank getting hit by regular bullets._

_Anyway, the four comrades tried to run into Room 1023 (which was on the other side of the hall) but those beefy guards blocked them every which way when they got there.._

Head Guard: Now listen and listen good, ya idiots...you're gonna go peacefully-

Second Guard:_(pipes up, grinning)_ Can't we just "abuse" 'em instead-

Head Guard: _(incredibly pissed)_ **SHUT THE HELL UP!! **_(kills the offending guard with a single bullet)_ Now...you wanna try your luck against me?

_(Kaorin, now incredibly pissed, kicks the blocking guards. The commissars enter the room as the others fire upon them. As they turn around inside the room - the leaders of the Silly Faction unconscious nearby - they are shot out the window)_

Head Guard: You two, take those two newbies and place them in Room 1138.

Guards: Yes, sir. _(they run out)_

_______________________________________________________________________  
_

_("Politburo" Universe, Leinad's lab; Hana walks into the room holding a clipboard)_

Hana: Father? FATHER?

_(a girl's face appears in the air)_ Hello?

Hana _(turning to face the source)_: Ye-**WAUGH!** Who...who are YOU?

Girl: Have you seen my friend Ha...Harras?

Hana: I...I... No, sorry. But...who ARE you?

Girl _(smiling)_: I'm Koyomiko!

Hana: ... OKIMOYOK- _(faints)_

________________________________________________________________________  
_

**Fat man's phat comments...oh, shut up.**

**TIPSY GLOWBUG?: Yeah...as much as I would love to I can't take credit for this idea; You see, Askew had Miss Glowbug call Susan "ma'am". I called him out on this and he suggested that Yukari took the Secretary out for drinks - on the latter.**

**GOLDWOOD AND ESIW: "Gladys Goldwood" and "Dr. Esiw" are names I had for some time. However, I never really had an instance to use them until now.**

**KNOWLEDGE OF A NONEXISTENT TIMESTREAM: How do Susan and Miss Glowbug know of the previous events of those three days while the rest don't? Both myself and Askew had an opinion on this subject -**

**ME: "Basically, those two are the strangest two - and Susan is seemingly immortal along with her most trusted and loyal servant; Thusly, they're able to withstand changes to timestreams without erasing their memories of the former events. Had this NOT been the case anything involving Comrade Yukari would have to be erased from many minds."**

**ASKEW: "Susan being who she is - a very powerful and evil being - she'd be able to "do over" a piece of a timestream she didn't like. It's like an Etch-A-Sketch - if you don't like the drawing you did with it, just shake it back and forth to erase the picture. Then you start drawing again. In a similar fashion, Susan can do that with pieces of the timestream."**

**Also, according to Askew, the "WHOniverse" events described in Chapter Two didn't actually happen to anybody except the Tomo and Yukari from it.**

**SO WHO'S DOING THE NEXT CHAPTER, FATTY?: Askew did two chapters in a row, I have some good ideas I want to share, and besides that I should be doing equal lifting on this one...so YES, I'm doing the next Chapter. That one will be a BIT shorter since it's meant to build to something Askew will pick up upon (I hope)...**

**I mean, unless HE wants to do it. Up to him, really, and I tried to leave this chapter open enough so that either of us could continue from here...**

**Contradictory, isn't it? Basically, if he wants to do it ("WANTS TO" being the operative words, Roy) I won't stop him; Otherwise, I continue.**

**MAKING FUN OF MY WRITING STYLE: ****(points to Roy)****And his isn't so good, either!**

**...He...he said it, not me...**


End file.
